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He's back!!!!!
Shaken by failing to win a single trophy during the 2004/2005
season Dave has decided that
he isn't prepared to spend the 2005/2006 season out of the limelight.
When Ash handed in his resignation
after a disappointing set of results in 2005 Dave was quick
to see the chance to become the most successful SC Falcon manager
of all time.
Whether he will have more luck than his predecessor remains
to be seen, but Dave has already seen an opportunity to win
over the fans during his second spell in charge by agreeing
to talk to the media whenever they can be bothered to listen.
As part of his new found love of all things related to the media
Dave has kindly agreed to offer scfalcon.co.uk exclusive postmatch
comments throughout the season. Rumour has it that he has based
his style on one of the sharpest wits of our age, Wayne Rooney,
so we look forward to this becoming the most exciting page on
the Web before too long. Watch this space. |
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15/05/2006 |
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14th May
The team plus Mrs Clarkey pitched up at Crystal Palace for the
last game of an 8 Month long season knowing that victory would
guarantee them 3rd Place, a draw would guarantee 4th and defeat
could plausibly mean 5th spot. When I received the news from
Jose at 10.30am to say that we only had 7, I feared the worst
but with the arrival of Andrey 5 minutes into the game, we were
at full strength thanks in no small part to new Defensive lynchpin
and Motivational coach Lionel.
Our opponents Arup, still smarting from our 6-1 thrashing of
them a few months back brought out their quick-footed team in
the hope of gaining some revenge and whilst they passed the
ball around very comfortably, they couldn’t break down the sturdy
Falcons defence with both Brookers, Clarkey and Lionel putting
up a seemingly impenetrable barrier. In Midfield, James, Dick
and Paco broke up attacks and Andrey tried several times to
put lone striker Phil through.
Arup finally got their reward for their persistent play with
a header from a cleared corner just beating the scrambling Letras
over the line. Their joy was short-lived though, Paco breaking
down the left and slipping a measured pass through to Andrey
who finished well to take his tally for the season to 6 goals
in very few matches. The Half-time score was 1-1 and although
Arup seemed to have greater overall fitness, there was always
the chance that the Falcons could catch them on the break.
The 2nd half was a tight affair with chances for both sides.
In his final competitive Falcons game, Jose made probably his
best save of the season, having to slightly change direction
in mid air to thwart a swerving shot and tip it round the post.
Unfortunately though, there were to be no further additions
to the scoreline and 1-1 it finished meaning Deportivo narrowly
pip the Falcons to 3rd place but 4th is still comfortably out
highest finish to date.
There were strong performances all over the pitch, but today’s
award will go to Mr Motivator Lionel for cajoling, encouraging,
shouting the Falcons to a point against a team that probably
deserved to win the game.
Thanks to everyone involved for the last 6 seasons and 77
games that I’ve played in. Good luck Monsieur French,
I shall be watching this column next season with interest. |
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02/05/2006 |
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23rd April
The Falcons pitched up at Chiswick, scene of possibly their
greatest result to date where they recently overcame a strong
Deportivo side 1-0. Today's Oppo were O’Connors who boasted
the league’s top scorer in their ranks (the striker formerly
known as Prince, SFKAP, or squiggle, whichever name you want
to use…). A below-par first half performance against O’Connors
pacey attack was followed by a strong second-half performance
by the Falcons. Unfortunately on this occasion it wasn’t to
be, this allowing O’Connors to cement their position as runners-up
in the League. Two goals from the impressive Andrey and another
from young Phil Horsham saw the Falcons maintain their high
scoring average of more than 3 goals per game this season. Strong
performances all-round but Man-of-the match goes to Andrey who,
it was confirmed today, will soon be starring for the ‘Top Division’
team in the friendly match against the strugglers from the ‘Lower
Leagues’ plus Dave French.
30th April
Warm sunshine greeted the 235 Falcons who turned up today hoping
to get a game in the Double-Header against the hapless Grafton.
The game was on the pitch in West Dulwich that was the scene
of one of the Falcons most famous victories, a 4-0 win against
the same opposition way back in the very first season, a win
which was the team's first ever victory and their first ever
clean sheet.
The game started well with the Falcons laying siege to the Grafton
goal and before long Seif had put them 1-0 ahead. By doing so,
he became the scorer of the Falcons’ 50th goal in all competitions
this season. The Falcons went on to finish the game 4-1 with
further goals by Seif, Andrey and a well-worked team goal finished
by the Gaffer. Very strong performances all round, not least
by Clarkey, James Lee & Seif but Man-of the match for the second
consecutive game is once again ‘Top Division’ supporting Andrey
who was at the centre of all of the Falcons best moves.
With wholesale changes made by the Falcons for the second game
and with the opposition having only 12 players, the general
consensus was that there would be a similarly easy victory.
Grafton however, showed a fair bit of resilience and although
they created a few chances, their finishing let them down. That
said, the Falcons didn’t seem to be having much luck in front
of goal themselves. With time running out, the gaffer came back
on to the pitch and when Phil won a penalty late on, he converted
it to bring a sense of relief all round. With seconds left,
the gaffer dispossessed Barry (by doing this, endearing himself
to Jose forever) and then proceeded to lob the keeper from around
the half-way line. Hugs all-round, 6 points in the bag and when
the news filtered through that O’Connors had beaten Deportivo
7-4 it made the day all the better. This now means that should
the Falcons win against Arup in their final game, or should
Deportivo lose to Grafton in their last game, then 3rd place
in the league will be assured. All sorts of records have been
broken this season, Highest points, Highest position, most goals
scored (at least double the tally of any of our previous seasons),
least conceded and not a walkover in sight.
Player of the season voting is very close and we have 2 players
on 10 goals each in the race for the golden boot….. Tottenham
are still 4th, Liverpool knocked Chelsea out of the cup, Barcelona
knocked Chelsea out of the cup, I beat Binoy at Golf on Bank
Holiday Monday and I’m manager of the greatest Falcons team
in history…. Doesn’t get much better than that eh? Well apparently
it does…. Man of the match (oh come on, I get one vote for myself
per season surely ?) |
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04/04/2006 |
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After the poor showing against Quinine on 26th Feb where
the Falcons lost 5-2, I lost all enthusiasm for writing this
column and it took two colossal team performances to restore
my mojo..... Yeah baby !
26th March
Firstly, the Falcons pitched up in Chiswick for an away match
against Deportivo who had spanked us 7-1 earlier in the season
when I got the game halted 20 minutes early. The game was
a very tight affair with the Falcons holding the upper hand
by hitting the woodwork several times. However, going into
the last few minutes the score was amazingly still 0-0 until
a Seif winner sent the majority of the team running, jumping
and screaming like 7 year old girls who have just found out
that Hanson have reformed. An historic first ever clean sheet
for Jose was much merited. The whole team played amazingly
well so I'm not going to reward any one individual with a
man-of-the match tag, although if I HAD to award a man-of-match,
it would not be to myself....
2nd April
Buoyed by their success over 3rd placed Deportivo and dizzy
from the new heights of 4th place in league, the Falcons turned
up at Tooting Common for the home game against Sporting Tooting.
Even 4th placed teams struggle to turn out 11 players it seems....
The Falcons would have had to play with 9 men had it not been
for the foresight of Seif who spent the week cobbling together
a clone..... To add a touch of authenticity, he cleverly gave
"Seif 2" a slightly different accent and the falcons
got to play with 10 men..... Which it seems was enough as
the opposition contrived to lose the game heavily. Playing
into a very strong wind, the Falcons successfully made it
to half-time at 0-0 and then set about using the wind advantage
in the 2nd half. The wind was THAT strong that Dave French
managed to score not once but twice, once from 25 yards and
the other from at least 40, the first was a deft toe-punt
which sailed into the top corner and the 2nd was a speculative
dig which caught the keeper unawares and meant that Monsieur
French spent the rest of the game with a permanent grin on
his face (kind of like the Joker in that Batman film....).
Paco made another keeper look silly by making him do the splits
whilst Paco calmly placed the ball in the opposite corner.
Seif weighed in with his now customary goal when the keeper
hesitated to come out and deal with a ball over the top...
This now takes Seif to 8 goals in the quest for his first
golden boot one ahead of the chasing pack.
There were several stand-out performances from Jose who kept
a now club-record 2nd consecutive clean sheet, Clarkey, Paco
and both Seif 1 & 2 but this week's award HAS to go to
Dave French - congratulations to you sir. |
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21/02/2006 |
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Sol's still not answering his mobile..... If anyone sees
him, can you let him know that Jermaine Jenas wants to get
hold of him......
The collective amount of "legal" wins in the League for the
Falcons during the first 5 seasons, 8 wins
For the Falcons in the League this season so far, 4 wins.
The Falcons turned up to Clarkey's home pitch, Clapham Common,
for the game against local rivals Sporting Tooting. We made
the rare decision to employ someone who is a "keeper" for
the game.... No disrespect to Jose who is doing a magnificent
job between the sticks, but this guy actually looked the part
so thanks to Steve for coming along and to Neil & Binoy for
recommending him.
It all looked promising when the opposition said they might
only have 7 or 8, but then they roped in 3 passers-by and
a one-armed referee who for all those of you old enough to
remember made his debut as the kitchen-hand in the 70's sitcom
Robin's Nest. Undeterred, the Falcons started well, having
a couple of sighters before the opposition made the mistake
of taking the lead...... bad move. The Falcons were level
again within 30 seconds with a smartly taken finish from the
oppositions centre half past his own keeper.
Once again the majority of the goals flew in in the second
half when the opposition tired and the Falcons superior fitness
shone through. Andrei deservedly put the Falcons in front
and then wonderful delivery from 2 Ash free-kicks increased
the lead, one going down as an unfortunate o.g. to their keeper
and the other eluding everyone to fly into the back of the
net. Martin kept up his good recent scoring record with a
smartly taken finish.
The best was saved for last though... the gaffer sufficiently
wound up Phil so that he could take him off and thereby come
back onto the field. When the Falcons were awarded a free-kick
centrally 35 yards out, 2 days before his 36th birthday and
almost 5 years to the day since the famous goal in the 4-0
victory against Grafton, he blasted an unstoppable shot into
the top corner......The crowd whooped and hollered, everyone
agreed it was the best goal they'd EVER seen, and he was given
the freedom of the city. Tooting got their consolation goal
a minute or two later and Ash was replaced by his younger,
smarter brother for the last 7 seconds.
As for Man-of-the-match, well Binoy technically didn't put
a foot wrong, James, Andrei & Clarkey all put in very good
displays, but this week it's going to Ash. He went in goal
last week without a grumble and turned out at an unfamiliar
left-back position this week, he even headed the ball as it
fell from the sky. His delivery from corners and free kicks
was very, very good once again so well done to you...... |
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12/02/2006 |
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After the glorious exploits of the week before we come to
this weekends' game against bottom of the league, without a
win, British Council.
With the loss of Jose, who decided he'd rather spend the day
with the missus than with the missers, Ash very kindly volunteered
to go between the sticks after being told to by the manager.....
A very lacklustre performance by the team quite rightly resulted
in a narrow 3-2 defeat and with only a slightly dubious penalty
and a deflected goal to show for their efforts the team quite
rightly hung their heads in shame when they left the pitch.
All except for me, who by agreeing to referee, even though it
was an away game, earned myself 25 shiny pound coins from the
oppo...... I wasn't going to award a man-of-the-match
this week, but after much reflection I decided that there
were one or two okay performances (Binoy and Mark R in particular)
and one vaguely man-of-the-match worthy performance from Clarkey.
Truth be told Clarkey did have a pretty good game and although
it went in via a deflection, it was quite a well struck shot
so why not give him the award eh ? After all, it doesn't cost
me anything. Many thanks to both Ash and, for the last few
minutes, Paco for helping out with the goalkeeper situation.
With Jose's new found mysterious injury and the fact that
neither of you covered yourself in glory, you can rest assured
that if we need to come up with a goalkeeper in the future,
you have done your bit and the responsibility will fall to
others... |
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05/02/2006 |
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Sol Campbell going walkabout (apparently his friends were
trying to call him on his mobile......), Spurs still above Arsenal
in the league and the Falcons on a club-record winning streak....
It seems the whole football world has gone crazy.
The Falcons pitched up at Richmond for the game against Princes
Head full of confidence after 2 consecutive wins. When the half-time
whistle went with the Falcons holding a narrow 2-1 lead, nothing
could have prepared the watching crowd for the second half which
managed to produce a staggering 8 goals, seven of which were
scored by the Falcons - all of differing levels of skill from
the "walking through defence and wrong footing the keeper" of
Paco, to the "towering header whilst getting your ribs whacked"
from Seif to the "I'll just back-heel it in the net then, shall
I?" from a rejuvenated gaffer.
Storming performances throughout the team but those who stood
out were new boy and yet another central midfielder William,
4 goal frontman Seif, the "forgotten" Dharsi brother Binoy at
left-back, for once, the gaffer... and man-of-the match for
the second consecutive game Paco. |
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12/01/2006 |
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With the absence of the elusive Pete Daw (who Simon Carter
is convinced doesn't exist), Liam, Clarkey and John Arne Riise,
with the manager struck down by the deadly bird-flu (a slight
cold....), add to this the return of Ash, things didn't look
too promising for the falcons in their final group game of the
League Cup against their deadly rivals Grafton.
Midway through the first half, the Falcons found themselves
2-0 down and it seemed as though a return to the bad-old-days
was on the horizon but cometh the hour, cometh the man.... and
lo that man nameth Phil..... For his first trick, he turned
their defence inside out before rifling in the bottom corner
from the edge of the box (look, I was dosed up on cold medication
so that's how it looked to me......). In the 2nd half, there
was a smartly taken equaliser by defensive lynchpin Dick and
then in time added-on, the classic tale of the magic of the
cup was brought to the fore once again....
Boy meets girl
Girl dumps boy
Boy meets boy
Boy joins a boy band
Boy gets football lessons for Christmas
Boy joins The Falcons
Boy gets injured
Boy makes his comeback
Boy gets substituted
Boy comes back on as referee
Boy gives stoppage time free-kick to his friends
Phil fires an unstoppable shot along the floor which enters
the net a full 17 seconds after it leaves his foot.
How many times down the years have we all seen that scenario
eh ?
Stand out performances were by 2 Goal Phil who ran his socks
off up front on his own, Dick who was solid at the back and
weighed in with a goal to boot, Ash who did well on his comeback
having been out of the game for the best part of 3 months and
my own personal man-of-the-match, the much under-rated Paco. |
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19/12/2005 |
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Where to start ?
When they said they'd invited someone down who'd spent a few
years on YTS at Ipswich, I thought I'd been rumbled. You see,
I spent my formative years as Jason Dozzell and thought I'd
successfully put my past behind me.... Fortunately, Liam didn't
recognise me when he turned up.
The Falcons went back to the scene of the previous week's
6-1 drubbing to the cast of Grange Hill and this time took
on O'Connor's Cruisers on a fantastic Astroturf pitch... A
monstrous first half performance, with only a slim 1-0 lead
to show for it, was largely overshadowed by some inept refereeing
and cruel luck which left John Arne Riise badly injured. The
2-2 result was by no means bad, but seemed a little harsh
on those who turned up. There was a goal on his debut for
young guv Liam and a top all-round performance in midfield,
he was however nudged out for man-of the match by Adrian in
his best performance so far in a Falcons shirt....
On to Wandsworth Common for the visit of high-flying Ove Arup....
Many of you will have read this morning's papers all intimating
a tunnel bust-up between the manager and his star forward.
All those of you who have been in the game for some time will
know that what goes on behind closed-doors stays there and
also as Sky's cameras were too busy eyeing up the jailbait
dog-walkers, these rumours have no foundation.... A closely
fought game was completely ruined by the Falcons scoring 6
goals, the majority of these were from assists of the once
again impressive Liam (although the best of the bunch was
set up by Phil - which was a shame for poor Rob who had, up
until that stage, scored the best goal..... congratulations
chas). Strong performances throughout the team from 1-11 (well
one and eleven are the only shirts with numbers on them),
but man-of the match by a country mile goes to Liam.... (I
know I seem to have mentioned Liam a lot in these notes, but
for those of you who don't know, he is the Landlord of a pub,
so....... Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam Liam
Liam Liam.....)
We have an away cup fixture on 8th January and an away League
fixture on the following Sunday.... As soon as I have details
of kick-off times/locations etc., I will let you all know.
Merry Christmas
Gaffer |
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05/12/2005 |
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As their own personal tribute to George Best, the Falcons
fielded a team comprising 11 alcoholics in the first group stage
match of the Millennium Invitation Cup..... Unfortunately, the
opposition decided to have a tribute to Arsene Wenger by fielding
a team of young boys..... Short of stealing their pocket money,
what could we do ? The 6-1 scoreline in favour of the opposition
indicates, not a lot.........
James Lee almost stole the man-of the match award with his subtle
kick on their 12 year old Keeper but this week's accolade must
go to young Mr Brooker - not Jonathan, who had his second Falcons
goal at the right end cruelly ruled out for some infringement
or other, but to his brother Mark who is on his way back from
a spell on the sidelines. Many thanks to Binoy who turned up,
hoping to gain that extra ounce of fitness that may yet persuade
Burscough to let him fulfil his dream of running out at Old
Trafford as the club's mascot (Burski the suicide bomber).
The Gaffer played an absolute shocker and promises to drop himself
as soon as we have more than 11 players turn up for a match...............
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07/11/2005 |
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I went to see Ash's Busted tribute band on Thursday (just
to check that he was really injured....) You could see just
how much influence that football has had on him as he unveiled
the band's new songs "any line", "any square" and their unusual
take on the old cockney classic "any old iron".
Somehow, the Falcons with their limited budget, managed to sign
John Arne Riise in time for him to make his debut against Deportivo.
A spirited start against a very strong team and a very good
goal by Seif meant that even though the Falcons only had a bare
11, we went into half-time 4-1 down, but the scoreline flattered
the opposition. Cruelly, injury once again struck Jose Anderton
and at 7-1 down with only 10 men and with Dave, "I'm not going
in goal but I'm really good in goal, but I hate going in goal,
but I used to be in goal at university, let me go in goal",
French deciding to go in goal, anyone who played in the famous
17-1 defeat to Philosophy will sympathise with me when I asked
Lionel to end the game prematurely. For anyone who is too young
to remember that game, apologies for curtailing this one. Well
done to everyone who turned up, stand-out performances were
from Captain James, John Arne Riise and of course Lionel.....
Lastly, birthday shouts go out to part-time falcon, full time
student Binoy and Jeremy Clarkson sound-a-like Jose who wouldn't
reveal his age but said "I am six months younger than my dream
date, Teddy Sheringham" |
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01/11/2005 |
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Shocked by the news that dead-ball specialist and 'field-goal
kicker' Ash Dharsi will be out for up to 3 months, the Falcons
bravely picked themselves up for the trip to Clapham Common.
The 5-2 result in favour of the opposition is not that bad in
the scheme of things as we held our own for large periods of
the game and defended heroically in particular Clarkey and man-of-the-match
Jose Lehmann.
Charged with finding a pitch that gives us every chance of 11
opposition players being unable to find it in time and thus
providing the falcons with a 3-0 walkover, Jose has decided
that this weekend's match will be in Mordor, in middle earth.
Oh, and after 25 years of trying, I finally accidentally scored
with my left foot.... |
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18/10/2005 |
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With no training sessions and only one pre-season friendly,
the team made an industrious start to the season with a hard-fought
2-2 draw against new team Princes Head. There were some superb
performances, in particular from Phil and the injured Seif up
front, and Rob 'Makelele' Field and man-of-the-match James Lee
in central midfield.
This weekend saw the Falcons' first victory of the season, after
being a goal ahead, the team found themselves 3-1 down and only
a late flurry of goals saw them run out 5-3 victors. Whilst
the result bettered the first game, the performance however
did not, the passing movements from the first game were not
evident in the first half and only a tactical intervention by
our Mr Brooker of switching Phil to striker from centre-half
(so that he could be closer to referee Lionel who was having
difficulty hearing him) saw the game swing back the way of the
falcons. Stand-out performance came from Andrej who was at the
heart of all the best moves and scored a fantastic goal.
Our next game should be away to Quinine on 30th October and
performances will need to improve for people to be able to justify
a place in the starting line-up. |
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