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SC
Falcon player profiles
Niaz Samadiz |
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Groomed
from an early age as a suicide bomber, Niaz was widely expected
to achieve immortality. However, things began to go wrong for his
family and their deadly agenda when as a young man he moved from
Iran to England and was introduced to the glamorous world of park
football. Jumpers for goalposts, kids fighting over disputed goals,
Niaz had found a reason to live and divine martyrdom would have
to wait. Niaz's decision to officially retire from government service
at the age of twelve came at a price though as his memory of his
past life was erased and he was cursed never to grow an inch taller.
Over the years it became clear that the curse had worked, and try
as he might his little legs wouldn't carry him fast enough nor project
him high enough in the air to really make a mark in his chosen career.
He was forced to seek his fortune elsewhere, but he was never bitter
so long as there was a football to kick. |
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While building
a reputation for himself in the glamorous world of television, Niaz
never missed an opportunity to go for a kick-around in the park.
During this time he was able to hone his ball skills and develop
a keen eye for goal. But the years rolled by and it looked as if
his talents on the pitch would go unrecognised. That was until the
chance to join the Falcons came along. As one of the founder members of SC Falcon Niaz was able to bargain for his position on the pitch, and by cleverly making everyone aware of his woeful abilities anywhere near his own goal he was instantly installed up front. It is from here that the vertically challenged striker has huffed and puffed his way through two largely fruitless seasons. However, few will forget a marvellous headed goal where he cleverly raised his height by stuffing his spare socks into his Chelsea hat or the even more splendid strike where faced with an open goal he decided to dribble round the opposition defence once again just to make sure. |
Despite what can only really be described as a severe goal drought, Niaz has never lost heart. Fortunately there is a little piece of him left from his former life and he still has some memories of how to terrorise English defences and how to sneak undetected through enemy lines. With the silver service he can expect from midfield this season, Niaz will be keen to take the opportunity to claim the prestigious Falcon's 'Golden Boot' for the first time. For some bizarre reason apparently unknown to the rest of the squad Niaz has got the nickname "Choco Boy". If anyone can shed any light on this name please email: whychoco@scfalcon.co.uk. The best explanation could be in line for a quality Falcons timepiece courtesy of 'Del Boy' Letras if one falls off the back of a lorry in time. |
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