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SC
Falcon player profiles
Richard Dunkley |
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Richard,
who also goes by the names of 'Dick', 'Meister', 'Moist', 'Wich',
'Twitch' and 'Rich' (when the girls are around) is a long suffering
Nottingham Forest fan who likes to play in the guise of Zidane,
but unfortunately the comparisons stop at the hairline. Dick's talents lie in his mercurial left foot, which over the years has been the source of some stunning long-range strikes, cunningly struck penalties and wickedly swerving free kicks, but like most lefties, his right is normally an innocent bystander. Dunkley folklore does suggest he once scored with his right foot, but then again it also suggests he once had hair! |
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Dick
joined The Falcons on a free transfer after the demise of Coulsdon
Eagles FC, on the proviso that people would stop calling him 'Dick'.
Unfortunately however, much to his annoyance, he was soon being
compared to Chelsea midfielder Frank Lumplard, so having 'Dick'
shouted at him 58 times every Sunday morning seemed more than acceptable.
Mr Dunkley, has brought yet more 'experience' to the SC Falcon squad with his ageing looks and dodgy knees. Born somewhere up north, he was brought up on whippets, flat caps and Brian Clough. The Dunkleys have had The Trent running through their veins since birth, which explains the bizarre phenomenon that the lower half of his body resembles a gorilla and the top half Duncan Goodhew. |
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Although
he's not one to boast or make a fuss about his footballing heroics,
Dick does eulogise about holding the coveted title of "the only
second year to make the school team" (a title he still claims to
hold) and about the hat-trick he scored on his school team debut
against St James The Great.......what do you expect when you're
playing against a bunch of first years?! The story often rears its
ugly head during drunken reminiscence or when anyone cares to listen
and in true Boys Own style he won the game, got the girl and nobody
gave a shit after that! After sweeping the archives it was found that his finest footballing hour is one he would rather keep under wraps; during one rather tense Sunday league game, with the scores precariously balanced at 2-2, his Coulsdon Eagles team were throwing the kitchen sink at the opposition in a last ditch attempt for victory, when the ball was rolled back to the on-rushing Dunkley. As time slowed down and with the left foot cocked, he caught it right on the sweet spot and from 30 yards sent the ball arrowing into the top corner and won the game. This, however, wasn't his finest moment...... that came during the subsequent celebration. Normally a reserved chap - whose idea of celebrating a goal amounts to a stiff handshake and a "well done" (imagine what his sex life is like) - Dick set off, Johnny Metgod style, with his team mates in hot pursuit and upon being caught and mobbed, with clenched fists screamed, "suck my f*cking plums!" |
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